Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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