The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
