Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
