Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
