SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize