Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
