Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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