He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
