4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
