Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
