shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
