I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
