God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
