I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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