I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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