you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
