he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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