worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
