After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
