The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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