I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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