Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
