All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
