Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
