I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
