Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm both gender and math confused
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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