Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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