i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
