you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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