so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dignity is for republicans.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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