she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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