I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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