You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
