he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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