Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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