last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
