how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize