Will you blow on my dice?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
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