There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize