you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
