She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
