He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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