um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize