I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
