Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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