If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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