I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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