i barfeds in our rink
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
