I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
