we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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