allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
