We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
