It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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