There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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