yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
