I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize