If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
