She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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