Acid is not a monday night drug
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
