I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
