my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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