drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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