You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
