Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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