Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
