Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
