whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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