My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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