Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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