Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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