at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
