he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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