Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
