Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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