Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
