dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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