Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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