how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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