i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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