I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There's always time for handjobs
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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