What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
