i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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