Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
