I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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