i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
