What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
