dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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