I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
