dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
