Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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