I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
