she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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