I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
