we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
