I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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