can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
