I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize