in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
