my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
