her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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