also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
