If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
