I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The Olympian is in my bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
