i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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