whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
