dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
