new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
