just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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