remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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